Thursday, June 30, 2005
Yongsiang was such a nice guy.. Bought me to eat crystal jade and never once wanted me to pay for anything.I'm really speechless about him. B'out the love he has for me, the care he gave me and the help and support he had given me unconditional. It was so priceless so valuable. Whenever i am with him, I feel important just like a princess being so well-treated. He do anything for me, no matter how inconveniece, hard and impossible he jus happen to suprise me with his actions. It totally touched me.
I thought he was the prefect guy for me and decided to give him an answer on sat. But things went "wrong wrong wrong" i was so quiet when i was with him. Maybe his character was of a more serious type while i was more of the joyous person. I tried to compromise but it was hard. Everytime i was trying so hard to get into a simple conversation with him.
In the past, I rejected guifu bcoz of his complicated family background and his poor education afraid he couldn't support me. I choose with my mind not my heart. But truthfully... He's the only guy that i LOVED WITH THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART all these yrs.
Maybe i am getting my retribution now.. Giving me another great guy, a commondo, future NTU graduate and a nice nice guy who doesn't smokes, gamble nor club. His lifestyle is so healthy and really a hard guy to came by. U must be wondering y i d
id not accept him since he's so prefect. Basically i just can't force myself to like him. ALthough i wanted to love him with all my heart, like e way he loves me, care for me take care of me.. but i just can do it. It is a natural reaction that cannot be forced. I tried and i failed and in the process i hurt him by giving him hope and the next moment snatching it away.The more i see him, the more i wish i would be home the next moment. Coz he's just too nice to me. The more i see him, the more guilty i felt. Sometimes i just can't understand y feelings are so complicated. Maybe dats wat ppl called love. Love can't be measured by $$ education or the type of family background u have. If there's love, there will defintely be chemistry. When there's none, it will nv be no matter how hard u try.
I just can't bring myself to reject him. It's so hard to see me hurting him again. I must be crazy to reject such nice guy. Although i don't wish him to go...but i guess it's selfish for me to keep him by my side y i just can't promise him anything. He's such a devoted guy... y did god arrange me to meet him but nt love him? It's just not destinated......
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Yesterday night i sms YS i couldn't solve the sums in the text. He told me to scan and send him the qns while he tried to work out the qns. He was very much anxious in my progress. Although he told me that he will mail it to my hse letter box the very next day after he solve the problems.
I told him it was not really urgent but he insisted.I was touched again by actions. The next morning he gave me a call and told me that he was at Jurong east waiting to pass me the ans that he had solved. He woke up so early at the expenses of his sleep time jus to pass me the solutions.
I took the Pasir ris side train and told him i was at the 3rd last cabin. It was so crowded, i decided to get off the train and look for him. When there was no sight of him i decided not to hop off the train and leave without him. It was so mean for him to wake up so early in the morning and dat i left without him. I called him and found that he had boarded the train. Haha.. it was so funny it seems to be like fate's playing prank on us.
I am really unsure whether i like him, but maybe i will jus give it a try. Why?.... He's such a nice guy and i dun even noe i like him.
Today i jus knew my fren's got himself a gf, suddendly got a sourish feeling....Jealous? yeah i thought so. What's wrong wif me ? Jealous of their blissful realtionship prehaps.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Yongsiang just return from his training from taiwan. Upon reaching Changi aiport, he sms me and asked me what i want him to get from the airport. Was quite touched as i can feel the importance of me in him. We chatted a while and i fell asleep. I actually waited for his call at ard 0230am looking at my phone still wondering if he would sms me as soon as he touched down from his flight. There was no disapointment.
The next morning he met me up and taught me A maths. Wow.. its such a headache. He is so briany hell good at his maths. Smart fellow that i was so proud to have him around to help me. He bought alot of toys for me.. 2 xiao bai and xiao xin collar pin and other mini toys and also a nice hp pouch. Even in Taiwan he still rembs to buy stuffs for me.
I really can feel the love he had for me. Although he wasn;t that kinda of guys that make me drool over or madly in love with, but his actions had touched my heart. He was so sincere in everything.
Guess it's just a matter of time that i would acccept him. Although i am unsure wheather the realtionship would work out, but i am ready for a try. It seem's that i had no grounds of rejecting him. Intelligent guy, loves me so mux, put of infornt of anything else and get me anything i likes. All his actions really make me feel important.
Yeah thats all folks today.!
Monday, June 13, 2005
On fri, once again we had embarked on a green elf trip. It was a tiring but fun trip. Aw
ay from stress, books and tutorials. What we had wif us was the excitment. We went to macritche during the night time and we saw a couple "making out" in a car, what's more exciting they are not even bothered to conceal themselves. Exposing themselves naked in e car and draw curious teenagers like us. Majority of the cars up there covered their windscreens wif newspapers but that was the expection.We went up the slope to have a clearer l
ook, it was dark we have to squint our eyes lolx... suddendly all activities stop, the couple drove off. We heard a shout" KPO wat" it was clearly screaming at us. without mux thoughts we immediatedly ran off. Shihui stumbled upon the stairs as it was dark i nearly did e same. She was bleeding.We drove off after dat to have our supper at bedok. The parata was so awful, it left our stomachs churning. We swear we nv go back there again.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
After so many years of struggling, I finally decide to move on my life without him. I am uncertain whether i would stop thinking about him but i will definately try my best after seeing his mean act by ignoring me. There's is no pt clinging to a love that will nt blossom. Although we had many sweet memories but we had ended with a dead knot.
I am going to move into a new chapter of my life a brand new chapater. Without a night endless thinking of him. Stop looking at the toys and remb the sweet memories we used to have. That would be the only alternative. My love for him is so deep that there's no love within me without his presence. I can't love, I can't find my happiness I lost the warmth in me. I missed the feelings that made me more like a human. All these endlessly waiting was probably y i am still single. I can't stop myself from comparing him with other guys, maybe my preception of him is too prefect and i wouldn't wan anyone to intrude into my life expect him. That's v selfish mindset towards other guys maybe they jus came at the wrong time.
I am starting to learn to love. For the fear of getting hurt again, I decided not to crop myself inside the past history. Maybe it's juz fate that we can never be binding together. But i am still glad that i was given so many chances in life to just be together. It's no doubt that i gave him up, there's regret, remorse, and guilt in me. I had choose my fate, I made a heart breaking decision and i had to bear the consequences of my life without him. What more can i do? It's time i stop torturing myself and the guys who care for me it's enf... I am tired no more of crying over spilt milk. I believe i jus need a little more time, at least i promise myself to forget him. It's like 1yrs & 8mths since we kinda broke off.. It's really hard for me
