Thursday, June 30, 2005
Yongsiang was such a nice guy.. Bought me to eat crystal jade and never once wanted me to pay for anything.I'm really speechless about him. B'out the love he has for me, the care he gave me and the help and support he had given me unconditional. It was so priceless so valuable. Whenever i am with him, I feel important just like a princess being so well-treated. He do anything for me, no matter how inconveniece, hard and impossible he jus happen to suprise me with his actions. It totally touched me.
I thought he was the prefect guy for me and decided to give him an answer on sat. But things went "wrong wrong wrong" i was so quiet when i was with him. Maybe his character was of a more serious type while i was more of the joyous person. I tried to compromise but it was hard. Everytime i was trying so hard to get into a simple conversation with him.
In the past, I rejected guifu bcoz of his complicated family background and his poor education afraid he couldn't support me. I choose with my mind not my heart. But truthfully... He's the only guy that i LOVED WITH THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART all these yrs.
Maybe i am getting my retribution now.. Giving me another great guy, a commondo, future NTU graduate and a nice nice guy who doesn't smokes, gamble nor club. His lifestyle is so healthy and really a hard guy to came by. U must be wondering y i d
id not accept him since he's so prefect. Basically i just can't force myself to like him. ALthough i wanted to love him with all my heart, like e way he loves me, care for me take care of me.. but i just can do it. It is a natural reaction that cannot be forced. I tried and i failed and in the process i hurt him by giving him hope and the next moment snatching it away.The more i see him, the more i wish i would be home the next moment. Coz he's just too nice to me. The more i see him, the more guilty i felt. Sometimes i just can't understand y feelings are so complicated. Maybe dats wat ppl called love. Love can't be measured by $$ education or the type of family background u have. If there's love, there will defintely be chemistry. When there's none, it will nv be no matter how hard u try.
I just can't bring myself to reject him. It's so hard to see me hurting him again. I must be crazy to reject such nice guy. Although i don't wish him to go...but i guess it's selfish for me to keep him by my side y i just can't promise him anything. He's such a devoted guy... y did god arrange me to meet him but nt love him? It's just not destinated......
